notdeadyet.wordpress.com for my other posts if you have found this page

Yes, John and I are married.  We have not changed our Facebook status and it is in our hearts to be with one another forever.  We are not legally married, no.  We are married nonetheless.  For all of those who don’t like it, screw you.  I am with the love of my life finally and, although life is not ever perfect, I am content.  I love him no matter what he does or says.  He loves me.  Who gets to be with the one they have loved since they were sixteen years old?  How many of you can say that;  The one that you fell in love with the moment you saw each other…I feel very fortunate. We get to move into the place of our dreams in 7 days in Buckhead, Atlanta, GA.  I am so beside myself I don’t know what to do.  I feel like all dreams are coming true.

My life, in particular, family life, has sucked in so many ways through the years.  What did I do to deserve these awesome happenings?  I owe it to God?  I am not sure what I think about that at this moment.  I do feel abandoned by God to some degree.  Not because I am not happy or I do not feel contentment with my life but I do not feel the presence and I am not sure he is real anymore.  I had always held tight to the belief and faith and now I am not sure.  Life, as I said, has been one disaster, too many deaths, and plague-like occurrences after another.  It has been one test after another.  I do not know how I even feel about myself at this time.  I feel alone a lot with John spending so much time at work.  I am proud of him, but I miss him constantly.  I miss so much of the love I receive when we are around each other more.  He has to cool down after work and I hear about work more than I want to.  This is just part of life I am accepting, though, I still feel alone.  At least, I get the cuddles I need when my sweet John and I snuggle together in bed each night.  That is enough for me right now.  I need kisses, hugs, love.  I need compassion and John gives me that.  He appreciates me.  I am happy with who he is.  He, I hope is happy with who I am.  No one is perfect, as I have said about life, but things sure are getting pretty damn near it.  Today, I clean for the weekend and this weekend I hope last a lifetime in my mind.  I want to enjoy my time with John and get the most out of it.  It is my favorite part of the week.  I cannot wait.

As my brother’s entries in his journal when he was a kid used to end:

That is all for today. (I always thought that was so cute.)

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About Amcii

I am a very sensitive and kind person who loves to read, engage in yoga, learn about new things constantly. My musical tastes include The Dismemberment Plan, Forward Russia, Modest Mouse, Marilyn Manson, David Bowie, Enya, Dead Can Dance, Interpol, Julian Plenti, Team Sleep, Deftones, and many, many more.
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